Burn

Memories burn
This scarf and that necklace
The good times and the bad.
The fights and the love
All shared.
Different people then
But the memories still burn

Missing you

My heart hurts as I write this.
The pain creeping up my chest
The anxiety consuming me
Eating at me.
My every thought
And now my dreams.
I miss you

I miss the way you'd say my name
Still in awe of what we became.
Haunted by what was
I miss the love.

[ change of heart and mind and soul ]

More than I could ask for

You make this life feel surreal

Second date and I was head over heels

The smile you bring to my face

A love like this by Gods grace

The way you see through me

And set my heart and mind free
More than I could ask for.

Old fashioned

I want an old fashioned love

The kind we only hear about

Dream about

I want an old fashioned love

Dancing in the rain and long talks..

Dating is a dying art. 

I want an old fashioned love

The kind where the laughter is infinite

Infectious. 

And happiness abounds

I found an old fashioned love in you. 

Ocean waves

Like ocean waves
endless..
crashing on the shore.
All the mystery that lies beneath
and beyond.
Like the beautiful sky
scarce with clouds.
I could stare forever
into your eyes.

You and I

You and I

We are the only people in the world

Or so it seems tonight

In your embrace

Nothing matters.

Nothing is important.

All thoughts flee while passion takes over..

Emotions take over.

It is just you and I

Cars fly by, beeping

Staring

As we stand together, no space between us

Occasionally coming up for air.

Just you and I

Magic nights

Your lips on mine
Our tongues intertwined.
Spinning me on the street
Do you feel the magic when our eyes meet?
Silly faces under the night sky
And never wanting to say goodbye
Museum steps and late night dates
Could this be fate?

This feeling again

This feeling again
I think it's a crush?
The way you just make me giggle and gush
That feeling again
I just don't want to sleep
Waiting and wishing for my phone to beep
And your name to appear.
This feeling again
I forgot how it felt
To look at a boy and instantly melt.

It feels like life would be easier if I could just walk away..

One night in exchange for two more bad nights? Why does it have to be like that? Aren't there people who can have multiple good days and just be happy? period? It's taking everything in me to not root through my drawers for the extra bottle of meds I kept. God only knows what I would do without M. She may not be the most emotional person but she knows what to say to me, how to take my mind off it and how to hug me without making me cry but feel cared about. She truly is the big sister I was meant to have and I firmly believe she was placed in my life for a reason. if I believed in other lives, etc she would be the constant in all of them. Truly my soul sister. Thinking about her support is honestly the one thing keeping the tears at bay.
Can someone really not be meant to be happy?

It's now been a year with you. When things are great, they are amazing. When things are bad, I want to die. I find myself realizing the extremeness i bring to relationships is clearly me. But I dont know what  to do. When we fight, I want to throw myself out of the moving car. When we scream, I want to drown myself. How can that be normal? A big part of me loves you. A small part thinks I may deserve better and all of me is scared to be alone. I love the whole package though and I dont know if I can go through losing that again. Reading has recently made me love you more and instead of comparing, I have been appreciating which is honestly the opposite effect I though it would have. Tonight, though, has me questioning. I dont know if it's the constant reading or if it is the fact that you think it's okay to ignore me if we don't see each other that day and then get pissed that you don't have a day to yourself. I may not have a ton of relationships to compare, for lack of a better word, to but I dont see my parents wanting to take days "off" from each other. Not even your parents. How could it possibly work if you want days "off". Wanting time for yourself is one thing but I dont know how many guys would call it a day off.. It's honestly a punch to my gut, not that you care. Would you even fight if something were to happen. I have myself really questioning and I'm not going to lie, I'm getting nervous that you wouldn't bat an eye.. Rather, you would be able to sleep in everyday, smoke whatever the hell you want,  play video games till your eyes bleed and watch what you choose.. oh wait, you already do that. Ive been keeping all of this in and it's pouring out in this post. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Again, I love the deal. Everyone in it but I don't feel that I'm treated the way that I should be. I dont expect much and maybe I should expect more but you don't even try. You may have tried for the first month and then came me paying, me buying you everything, you choosing every movie, every show, getting mad i'm not reading what you want me to in the time that you want me to do it. I'm exhausted. Again. I dont dare go back and read the other posts on here and remind myself of the hell I put myself through for 4 years and Im seeing youre not too different. I may just go off the deep end if I subject myself to the reminiscing.
Tired and Fed up.